dream: 1/3/2012-you betray me in new ways, g.
i wait for you at the top of foxcroft, across the street.
i loiter by the mattress on the ground, amongst the magazines and garbage.
i rummage through some papers. i read something that lets me know you have fucked elizabeth.
elizabeth shows up with a grocery store cake and i confront her. she is elizabeth and mary liz. we fight; she is unrepentant and ugly.
i follow her to her house, which is stacy’s house. there is a washer and dryer in the front room, with both machines going and laundry all around. it does not look like stacy’s house.
there is more arguing.
dustin comes into the room. i tell him of her infidelity and hope for his support. he says, “whatever. she has done this before.”
i ride on a train to confront g. in rehab. the elizabeth woman is also my daughter.
i arrive at the rehab place-a house in the suburbs, in foxcroft, with a well manicured lawn. i am still so filled with rage and betrayal that when the woman at the door sees me and tells me there can be no visitors, she knows she has to let me in, which she does.
everyone there is happy. greg comes up from the basement.
greg has grown taller and thin from good health from the rehab and recovery.
he is not pleased to see me, even before he knows why i am there.
when i confront him with the betrayal, he looks me in the eyes and lies, like always.
i show him the letters, their letters, detailing their encounter.
his explanation and excuses are infuriating and insulting and he tries to walk away from me.
he says, “i have to take the train to the bakery to start my shift”. i say, “well then i will go with you.”
i feel frantic and insane like i did so often and so take the train with him to his early morning baking shift. greg is a cross between greg and ruby.
we fight.
we never get anywhere.
i wake up sweating and panting and frantic with fear anger sorrow.
